Loss

I sold the SUV today. I should have traded it when I bought the Jeep, saved the taxes. Would not be a car transaction for me if I didn’t do something stupid. We bought the thing when hopes were still pretty high. She was feeling good and we were thinking about camping again. The pickup truck was too rough for her … we thought the SUV make her comfortable. Even with 28 way adjustable seats, she could not get comfortable. The tumors in her spine were like old bullet wounds. Anyway, the car is too big for me and the dog.

This culling of things that were hers and ours wears on me. Moving to a new house always leads to crap piled in the garage, the basement or a spare room. Always a pledge to get to it, never honored. I have given myself a pass, dealing with her illness, but now’s the time.

I was in the garage yesterday sorting through a large storage box and found a bag of her dance shoes. The discovery stops me cold. She loved to dance. Often people would say how good we looked … it was her. I was lucky if I remembered 5 moves in each dance. But she was always smiling, glowing, and wearing the most impossible high heels. She loved beautiful shoes – red shoes, practice shoes, tango shoes, sparkly shoes. A bag full of her shoes. She had beautiful, tiny, feet.